I AM GAY AND I AM A CHRISTIAN

It's strange that I'm coming out to people on the internet before anyone I even know, but that seems to make it easier. I've been a christian all my life, and I have always loved God, when I was around the age of 11 I found that I would do anything for God's cause. I've know all my life that I'm gay, but being a child I thought that I would find the perfect woman who I could actually find attractive - that seemed logical since I was a man, I would of course find a wife and have kids - but as I went into my teens I found it wasn't as easy as that. I even had a girlfriend for a short period of time, but I eventually found that I only liked her as a friend, when it came to kissing and stuff I had no real interest. So we broke up.
I have heard many arguments  like: homosexuality not being allowed is only in the Old Testament and we should focus on the New Testament, or being gay is completely wrong, or you can have a same sex partner but you can't have sex with them, and many others. For me, I know homosexuality is not something that pleases God as defined in His word, and can accept that, but I hate knowing that the loneliness I feel may never go away. Same sex attraction is a weird thing, it's not something you just get over or pray away. Right now I'm just trying to love Jesus more that I my desire to be with someone in a loving personal, tangible relationship. Sometimes I fail, I screw up, I lose my focus, I get lonely and depressed, I get angry, I cry out for help. But even these things so me no good because I have not told anyone what I am going through. And I honestly don't think I ever could. It's like my sexuality is a weight around my neck, and the layers of self loathing and pretend happy faces just wear me down. Though it seems pointless, knowing others are going through the same thing does give me a little comfort. Sometimes I just wish it was enough.