I CAN SMILE ABOUT IT NOW BUT AT THE TIME TIME IT WAS TERRIBLE

Yeah, bye 2013. Apart from the last couple of months, you were rubbish.

I don’t really do New Year’s resolutions, because the truth is that I’m constantly resolving to do better and change things in my life. But this new year has fallen at an auspicious time for me, a time when I am already in the process of making big changes. So that whole ‘fresh start’ thing is a nice boost.

Amongst other things, I resolve to blog more often. I mean, at least once a week. If you don’t blog once a week, then you can’t really call it a blog, can you? So there’s a public declaration of intent… feel free to kick my butt if I fail on this one.

I’ve got a load of writing goals this year, the main ones being to finish what I start, and to get these damn novels written. I have three, in varying states of unfinished  and I need to whip them all into shape. Apart from that, there are various other goals, some of which will remain secret, and some which are just too pedestrian to recount here. But 2013 is going to be the year when my writing career starts kicking into gear. At least, that’s the plan.

My word for the coming year is COURAGE. I often lack it, and I need a lot of it. Sometimes it takes courage just to sit down and write something, ignoring the terrible voices that seem to have a lot invested in the idea that I can’t, or shouldn't  It takes courage to do simple things, make big decisions, ignore petty people, stay focused. I know I will have a lot of challenges this year, and I hope I’m courageous enough to do what I need to do.

And as for you in 2013? May your neurons fire without fail; may your dendrites be stimulated; may your chemicals remain balanced; may your body support all your mind’s plans; and may the mysteries descend upon you.

I FEEL UNAPPRECIATED

My Parents.. Do They Care??

I feel like it doesn't matter if  I talk or not. My parents would mind if I didn't exist, wasn't home or died. But that's it. THis is hard to explain (I'm not English so..) But i'll try anyway.

An example: We are all watching tv. And I see something on TV that I like and I tell my parents: " Hey, isn't that cool. OR Hey, isn't that they same clock we have!"  And I look at them enthusiastically. But they don't do anything. They just ignore me.

And it's ok, if that happens a couple of times. But this happens all the time. And I feel like I don't matter. Like they don't care about my feelings. I ALWAYS listen to them when they say something and I always react. I could never just ignore them. That feel just so mean to do. But they don't mind doing it to me. 'Cause my feelings doesn't matter to them, I guess.

And when I tell them, they're like: We do listen. We just don't react. OR you talk when where doing stuff. We can't do 2 things at the same time. LIARS. I can do that and they can do that to. Theyre not idiots. It's just something unconscious in their mind that says that when I talk, they don't need to listen or react.

This is so normal in my house, that my sister even jokes about it. She says:" Oh, we never listen to you. Nobody ever listen when you talk. That's normal." And I try to pretend that it doesn't hurt me. But it DOES!

I feel unappreciated. Like me being happy en me talking, is annoying and doesn't matter. I always ask for attention at home. I'm always energetic and talk. But people don't care.

And when I try to talk about my feelings with my mom, WHen I say that I don't feel happy. She just says: "oh..that sucks for you". And I always say it in a way that they shouldn't worry about it. And that's because I feel they don't want to talk about it or they don't care anyway. They don't take my feelings seriously.

What my parents think about me, is very important to me.

I feel like I am just not .. I don't know.. Like they just don't care about me. I know they love me. And they don't do this on purpose. But.. it makes me sad. They never listen. I want my parents to listen to me and be nice. I want them to tell me what I do good. I want them to care.

They always complain about me. And then they complain that I don't talk about my feelings to them. And when I do tell them about this, they get annoyed and mad.I am really working on having more confidence. I'm trying to accept myself. But It's so hard, when my own parents bring me down. When I hate myself, it is usually after some fight with my parents. Or when I feel sad It's usually after something with my parents.

I need to get away from here, but I want to stay in my house. I also feel save here. But also unhappy. I always want to make my parents proud. But I can't. I want to choose stuff because I want them. But It's hard, when I'm always scared to make my parents mad..

So that's it. Feels good to write about it.. :)

WHY DOES HE SEND ME PIC OF HIS PENIS?

I meet a man via an online dating site, we chat back and forth, get to know each other, then he will ask for my phone number. If I like him I will give it to him. Then he will text me. I may even give him my Facebook. This usually leads to him asking me out on a date. So far, so good, right? Well… here is the scoop!About 85% of the men who get my telephone number and facebook do something very bizarre. They randomly and with no warning whatsoever send me a picture of their penis!! Erect!!! Also, they seem to prefer texting and chatting on cam prior to a date, instead of actually calling me up and asking me for a date. But back to the penis issue… is this normal? How would i react? Why are they doing this? I mean, you’re just going through your messages or texts. It’s early in the morning and you’re drinking your coffee… and suddenly BAM! There is a fully erect dick in your face! Coffee snorted up the nose, all over the keyboard! hahaha

but i ask myself co'z actually im doing this too haha, i found my two reason why i am doing this:

1) i am looking for sex and searching for love. I'm leading with the sex part. Somewhere in my primitive reptilian brains, i think this is a good idea. Objectively, it’s not. I’ve never met a man who was turned on as much as he was creeped out.2) We assume falsely that because they would like to see a naked picture of YOU, that you MUST equally crave seeing a naked photo of them. This is probably the soundest psychological premise I could put forth to explain something so patently stupid. “I showed you mine, you show me yours!” or some such nonsense.

But be true! what they don’t know is that while most gay men appreciate a good body – and quite possibly a hard cock – you are really turned on by his wit, his intellect, his drive, his warmth, and his strength. These are the qualities that make you want to be with him sexually, not vice versa.And so, any man who leads with his penis – as you pointed out – isn’t necessarily a bad human being, but he is definitely someone who doesn’t understand what makes gay men tick. hahaha

5 THINGS WHY I HATE BEING SINGLE IN VALENTINES DAY

We have all been there. Love is in the air and there’s a flicker of romance in everyone’s eyes but you've just gone through a bad breakup and are a member of the ‘loners club’. tsk tsk tsk

Your friends excitedly make big plans for this day. They have already bought new outfits to wear along with gifts for their loved ones. But all you can do is listen with a poker face as they share ideas and ask for advice resisting the need to scream. You begin to hate your newly acquired relationship status for various reasons:

5)  Paraphernalia ( mga abubot)

Malls, shops and bookstores are displaying chocolates, teddy bears and  heart shaped cards. Sadly, no one who will buy them for you.  You can’t buy them for yourself  because the shop assistants will look at you with like you are pathetic. Duh haha!

4) Love-obsessed media

Radio stations play love songs which couples dedicate to each other. You, of course, have no one to dedicate anything to. Radio and Disc jockeys dish out advice as if they were love gurus. Morning show hosts harp on about the importance of the holiday. They invite happy couples on their shows who share stories which only add to your misery. Watch any TV channel and you’ll see romantic specials. So, be ready to have lots of tissue handy, along with a big bowl of chocolate ice-cream.

3) The color red

Red is the color of the day. It is worn by every other person and if you decide to wear black (because it’s your favorite color), you are looked at with suspicious eyes and that adds to your embarrassment tama?

2) People in general

Your friends and cousins send you Valentine’s day ‘forwards’ through text message even if your facial expression clearly says you are not interested.

1) Pity

Making plans to hang-out with your friends who have dates on the day is  a big mistake. The sight of those couples will make you sick.

Oh My God!I'm gonna die!