I FEEL UNAPPRECIATED

My Parents.. Do They Care??

I feel like it doesn't matter if  I talk or not. My parents would mind if I didn't exist, wasn't home or died. But that's it. THis is hard to explain (I'm not English so..) But i'll try anyway.

An example: We are all watching tv. And I see something on TV that I like and I tell my parents: " Hey, isn't that cool. OR Hey, isn't that they same clock we have!"  And I look at them enthusiastically. But they don't do anything. They just ignore me.

And it's ok, if that happens a couple of times. But this happens all the time. And I feel like I don't matter. Like they don't care about my feelings. I ALWAYS listen to them when they say something and I always react. I could never just ignore them. That feel just so mean to do. But they don't mind doing it to me. 'Cause my feelings doesn't matter to them, I guess.

And when I tell them, they're like: We do listen. We just don't react. OR you talk when where doing stuff. We can't do 2 things at the same time. LIARS. I can do that and they can do that to. Theyre not idiots. It's just something unconscious in their mind that says that when I talk, they don't need to listen or react.

This is so normal in my house, that my sister even jokes about it. She says:" Oh, we never listen to you. Nobody ever listen when you talk. That's normal." And I try to pretend that it doesn't hurt me. But it DOES!

I feel unappreciated. Like me being happy en me talking, is annoying and doesn't matter. I always ask for attention at home. I'm always energetic and talk. But people don't care.

And when I try to talk about my feelings with my mom, WHen I say that I don't feel happy. She just says: "oh..that sucks for you". And I always say it in a way that they shouldn't worry about it. And that's because I feel they don't want to talk about it or they don't care anyway. They don't take my feelings seriously.

What my parents think about me, is very important to me.

I feel like I am just not .. I don't know.. Like they just don't care about me. I know they love me. And they don't do this on purpose. But.. it makes me sad. They never listen. I want my parents to listen to me and be nice. I want them to tell me what I do good. I want them to care.

They always complain about me. And then they complain that I don't talk about my feelings to them. And when I do tell them about this, they get annoyed and mad.I am really working on having more confidence. I'm trying to accept myself. But It's so hard, when my own parents bring me down. When I hate myself, it is usually after some fight with my parents. Or when I feel sad It's usually after something with my parents.

I need to get away from here, but I want to stay in my house. I also feel save here. But also unhappy. I always want to make my parents proud. But I can't. I want to choose stuff because I want them. But It's hard, when I'm always scared to make my parents mad..

So that's it. Feels good to write about it.. :)