I FEEL UNAPPRECIATED

My Parents.. Do They Care??

I feel like it doesn't matter if  I talk or not. My parents would mind if I didn't exist, wasn't home or died. But that's it. THis is hard to explain (I'm not English so..) But i'll try anyway.

An example: We are all watching tv. And I see something on TV that I like and I tell my parents: " Hey, isn't that cool. OR Hey, isn't that they same clock we have!"  And I look at them enthusiastically. But they don't do anything. They just ignore me.

And it's ok, if that happens a couple of times. But this happens all the time. And I feel like I don't matter. Like they don't care about my feelings. I ALWAYS listen to them when they say something and I always react. I could never just ignore them. That feel just so mean to do. But they don't mind doing it to me. 'Cause my feelings doesn't matter to them, I guess.

And when I tell them, they're like: We do listen. We just don't react. OR you talk when where doing stuff. We can't do 2 things at the same time. LIARS. I can do that and they can do that to. Theyre not idiots. It's just something unconscious in their mind that says that when I talk, they don't need to listen or react.

This is so normal in my house, that my sister even jokes about it. She says:" Oh, we never listen to you. Nobody ever listen when you talk. That's normal." And I try to pretend that it doesn't hurt me. But it DOES!

I feel unappreciated. Like me being happy en me talking, is annoying and doesn't matter. I always ask for attention at home. I'm always energetic and talk. But people don't care.

And when I try to talk about my feelings with my mom, WHen I say that I don't feel happy. She just says: "oh..that sucks for you". And I always say it in a way that they shouldn't worry about it. And that's because I feel they don't want to talk about it or they don't care anyway. They don't take my feelings seriously.

What my parents think about me, is very important to me.

I feel like I am just not .. I don't know.. Like they just don't care about me. I know they love me. And they don't do this on purpose. But.. it makes me sad. They never listen. I want my parents to listen to me and be nice. I want them to tell me what I do good. I want them to care.

They always complain about me. And then they complain that I don't talk about my feelings to them. And when I do tell them about this, they get annoyed and mad.I am really working on having more confidence. I'm trying to accept myself. But It's so hard, when my own parents bring me down. When I hate myself, it is usually after some fight with my parents. Or when I feel sad It's usually after something with my parents.

I need to get away from here, but I want to stay in my house. I also feel save here. But also unhappy. I always want to make my parents proud. But I can't. I want to choose stuff because I want them. But It's hard, when I'm always scared to make my parents mad..

So that's it. Feels good to write about it.. :)

5 THINGS WHY I HATE BEING SINGLE IN VALENTINES DAY

We have all been there. Love is in the air and there’s a flicker of romance in everyone’s eyes but you've just gone through a bad breakup and are a member of the ‘loners club’. tsk tsk tsk

Your friends excitedly make big plans for this day. They have already bought new outfits to wear along with gifts for their loved ones. But all you can do is listen with a poker face as they share ideas and ask for advice resisting the need to scream. You begin to hate your newly acquired relationship status for various reasons:

5)  Paraphernalia ( mga abubot)

Malls, shops and bookstores are displaying chocolates, teddy bears and  heart shaped cards. Sadly, no one who will buy them for you.  You can’t buy them for yourself  because the shop assistants will look at you with like you are pathetic. Duh haha!

4) Love-obsessed media

Radio stations play love songs which couples dedicate to each other. You, of course, have no one to dedicate anything to. Radio and Disc jockeys dish out advice as if they were love gurus. Morning show hosts harp on about the importance of the holiday. They invite happy couples on their shows who share stories which only add to your misery. Watch any TV channel and you’ll see romantic specials. So, be ready to have lots of tissue handy, along with a big bowl of chocolate ice-cream.

3) The color red

Red is the color of the day. It is worn by every other person and if you decide to wear black (because it’s your favorite color), you are looked at with suspicious eyes and that adds to your embarrassment tama?

2) People in general

Your friends and cousins send you Valentine’s day ‘forwards’ through text message even if your facial expression clearly says you are not interested.

1) Pity

Making plans to hang-out with your friends who have dates on the day is  a big mistake. The sight of those couples will make you sick.

Oh My God!I'm gonna die!

I'M 30 AND STILL AWESOME

If there is one thing I don't talk about on my blog, it's being single. Mainly because it's something that, much like my  list of debit haha, I prefer to pretend that if I ignore them, they'll go away.

However, whether I like it or not, I am 30. And I am single.

And, the anxiety I feel simply typing that sentence should tell you that I don't always fall into the category of the title of this post. I am not always awesome at being single. Sometimes it seriously concerns me. Sometimes I tell my friends that I am bored of being single and would just like to meet one guy who is worth a second date. Sometimes I get a little panicked when I think about the months - days - hours - that separate me and 31.

But sometimes, it's kind of fun. And sometimes, I think that this is a really special time of life that I will one day look back on and be grateful to have had.  So, while I certainly cannot always call myself awesome at being single, here's what I've figured out...

Be selfish. This is the only time you can do it. I see my sisters bouncing around 37 babies all at once while I'm beebopping from a run to yoga and dinner with friends and I often think: wow. No one is relying on me to make them dinner or change their diaper or do their laundry. So use this time to cultivate deep relationships with friends, pursue career goals, be spontaneous, get involved at church, learn a new language, garner your green thumb... Anything that might be pushed to the back burner when you have a husband or baby relying on you.

But don't be that selfish. Give, give, give your extra time. The more I give, the more I want to give. It's a beautiful cycle. And I have found that the more I give, the more I get back. I'm not saying there are things about you that need to change before you get married (because I am positive you're awesome), but I am saying that you'll be surprised how much you can grow by giving back. I am constantly surprised at the way my heart is changing as I continue to serve others, even though I thought I was in a pretty good spot a year ago.

Figure yourself out. Sort through your mess. We (both single and married twenty-somethings) have gunk. By the time you're in your 20s, things start to stick a little more. Deal with it and grow from it. Let your pain be redeemed for the greater good. See a therapist if you need to. There is no shame in it. If you want, you can be like me and pretend you're just meeting a friend who is super good listener and accepts money on behalf of her incredible wisdom (it's just PR, really).

Figure out what you want. What do you want to do like your parents? What do you want to do differently? Which of your friends do you want to be just like? And which ones do you want to avoid? Make lists, be detailed and own it.

Know your deal breakers. I went on a date recently. Whit..." Sometimes it's easy to get to picky. And, on the contrary, sometimes, when we're frustrated, it's easy to settle too much. I think every Christian boy was once told to make a list of every thing he wants in his partner in middle school and pray over it. That's a great idea and I know some people who were so fortunate to have those lists fulfilled. But, my word, if I wanted the things I wanted at 13 now, I would be concerned. Throw away your 1000-word lists. But know your deal breakers. For me, there are certain things I must have, would love to have, would like to have and would like to avoid.

Enjoy it. We will never get this time back. I'd enjoy it a lot more if I knew I was going to meet with husband on an exact day (and I'd make sure to do my hair really well that day). But we don't. And all we can do is find joy in each day and trust that there is a bigger plan. So just focus on being the best you and loving the life you have. And remember, something beautiful is on the horizon.

When you are happy with yourself you open yourself up to love

IM SCARED OF NOT BEING YOU

Lahat naman siguro tayo natatakot na mawala satin ang ating mga minamahal. Yung isang oras lang na hindi siya magreply sayo alalang alala ka na, Yung isang araw na lumipas na hindi kayo nagkatext hindi ka na mapakali. Yung natatakot ka na sabihin niyang. Sorry ayoko na hindi na kita mahal, Ang sakit isipin diba na walang kahit ano sa mundong ito ang permanente. Maaring magtagal kayo. Pero ang dapat mong itanim sa isip mo, Lahat may hangganan, Lahat may katapusan.

I'M NOT ALONE

Do you know how it feels like when everyone despises you? When, everyone wants you dead? What if you find out your own father would like to kill you? Or the only person who you thought cared for you the most attempted to assassinate you? Can you live with that kind of life?

I bet YOU CANNOT but I know someone who definitely can. His name is GAARA, my favorite anime/manga character.

Gaara is a fictional character in the Naruto manga and anime series created by Masashi Kishimoto. He was born under the Sand Village and is the son of Sunagakure's leader, the fourth Kazekage (highest title on each nation)

Initially, his father attempted to turn him into a human weapon by placing a tailed beast into him -- the SHUKAKU. With the power of shukaku, he was able to manipulate the sands. He was personally trained by his father to have full control of one-tailed beast but still everyone in their village see him as a monster. For them, he's more of a threat than a weapon.

Gaara became so furious with the villagers to the point where he used the power of Shukaku to get rid of them. These attacks on the villagers convinced the Fourth Kazekage that he was a failed experiment. Thus, a direct order from his own father was made to kill him however all attempts failed because the beast would always protect him and kill the assassins.

What changed his character the most was the event when his uncle, the only person who he thought cared for him tried to assassinate him. With this incident, Gaara told himself that he can't trust no one but himself and the Shukaku. He wanted to kill everyone to prove his existence!

Then, time comes when Gaara was able to meet Uzumaki Naruto, a young boy from the Leaf Village of Konoha. Like him, this boy was also a container of a beast called the Kyubi. As expected, people from his village were so afraid of him thinking that any moment, they will be killed. They are not safe with him.

Surprisingly, not all people see him as a threat. This young Naruto was able to gain friends and family who he can really call his own. When their paths crossed, Gaara forced Naruto to fight him by hurting people he loves just to prove one thing. He wants to determine which of their philosophy is correct: his belief for fighting for himself or Naruto's belief of fighting for his friends and allies?

Naruto defeated Gaara and as a result, he lives with the former's philosophy. As much as he can, he apologized to all people he hurts and improved his relationship with his family. The new Gaara protects the people he loves and in doing so, he knew that he will be able to find true strength.

The story of Gaara is a story of most of us and I am one of them. We are so afraid to build relationship with others thinking they abhor us. So what we do, we build a huge wall to protect ourselves from other people's judgmental opinions. We choose to close our doors instead of reach their hands to understand us/them better. We create this barrier to get rid of those significant and insignificant people who tried to pull us down until we meet our NARUTO.

Naruto in today's world are those people who influenced us to be a better person every single day, every single time. They are those people who made us understand the importance of families and friends. They changed our philosophy and made us realized that we are not alone in this world. They helped us to appreciate everyone around us until such time that we're able to find our true character, our stronger form, a much better us.

If you will ask me who's my Naruto, this allotted space won't suffice to put all their names but let me just put it in its simplest form: My bestfriend, best half, family, significant others, friends and of course you, my dear readers.

So I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you guys/gals for giving me the privilege to meet someone like you. Someone who's not afraid to correct my mistakes and someone who never failed to give invaluable advises just to bring out the best in me.

Though at times (or should I say most of the time) you thought I'm just ignoring you or I'm only hearing you, I need you to please extend your patience with me. Please don't get me wrong. The truth is I'm actually listening and reflecting every word that you said.

It's just that what you're actually seeing is not the real me -- it's my ego and my impulsive behavior but please allow me tell you this... deep inside my heart, I really really appreciate you.

I am Gaara and YOU guys are my NARUTOs.