5 THINGS WHY I HATE BEING SINGLE IN VALENTINES DAY

We have all been there. Love is in the air and there’s a flicker of romance in everyone’s eyes but you've just gone through a bad breakup and are a member of the ‘loners club’. tsk tsk tsk

Your friends excitedly make big plans for this day. They have already bought new outfits to wear along with gifts for their loved ones. But all you can do is listen with a poker face as they share ideas and ask for advice resisting the need to scream. You begin to hate your newly acquired relationship status for various reasons:

5)  Paraphernalia ( mga abubot)

Malls, shops and bookstores are displaying chocolates, teddy bears and  heart shaped cards. Sadly, no one who will buy them for you.  You can’t buy them for yourself  because the shop assistants will look at you with like you are pathetic. Duh haha!

4) Love-obsessed media

Radio stations play love songs which couples dedicate to each other. You, of course, have no one to dedicate anything to. Radio and Disc jockeys dish out advice as if they were love gurus. Morning show hosts harp on about the importance of the holiday. They invite happy couples on their shows who share stories which only add to your misery. Watch any TV channel and you’ll see romantic specials. So, be ready to have lots of tissue handy, along with a big bowl of chocolate ice-cream.

3) The color red

Red is the color of the day. It is worn by every other person and if you decide to wear black (because it’s your favorite color), you are looked at with suspicious eyes and that adds to your embarrassment tama?

2) People in general

Your friends and cousins send you Valentine’s day ‘forwards’ through text message even if your facial expression clearly says you are not interested.

1) Pity

Making plans to hang-out with your friends who have dates on the day is  a big mistake. The sight of those couples will make you sick.

Oh My God!I'm gonna die!

I'M 30 AND STILL AWESOME

If there is one thing I don't talk about on my blog, it's being single. Mainly because it's something that, much like my  list of debit haha, I prefer to pretend that if I ignore them, they'll go away.

However, whether I like it or not, I am 30. And I am single.

And, the anxiety I feel simply typing that sentence should tell you that I don't always fall into the category of the title of this post. I am not always awesome at being single. Sometimes it seriously concerns me. Sometimes I tell my friends that I am bored of being single and would just like to meet one guy who is worth a second date. Sometimes I get a little panicked when I think about the months - days - hours - that separate me and 31.

But sometimes, it's kind of fun. And sometimes, I think that this is a really special time of life that I will one day look back on and be grateful to have had.  So, while I certainly cannot always call myself awesome at being single, here's what I've figured out...

Be selfish. This is the only time you can do it. I see my sisters bouncing around 37 babies all at once while I'm beebopping from a run to yoga and dinner with friends and I often think: wow. No one is relying on me to make them dinner or change their diaper or do their laundry. So use this time to cultivate deep relationships with friends, pursue career goals, be spontaneous, get involved at church, learn a new language, garner your green thumb... Anything that might be pushed to the back burner when you have a husband or baby relying on you.

But don't be that selfish. Give, give, give your extra time. The more I give, the more I want to give. It's a beautiful cycle. And I have found that the more I give, the more I get back. I'm not saying there are things about you that need to change before you get married (because I am positive you're awesome), but I am saying that you'll be surprised how much you can grow by giving back. I am constantly surprised at the way my heart is changing as I continue to serve others, even though I thought I was in a pretty good spot a year ago.

Figure yourself out. Sort through your mess. We (both single and married twenty-somethings) have gunk. By the time you're in your 20s, things start to stick a little more. Deal with it and grow from it. Let your pain be redeemed for the greater good. See a therapist if you need to. There is no shame in it. If you want, you can be like me and pretend you're just meeting a friend who is super good listener and accepts money on behalf of her incredible wisdom (it's just PR, really).

Figure out what you want. What do you want to do like your parents? What do you want to do differently? Which of your friends do you want to be just like? And which ones do you want to avoid? Make lists, be detailed and own it.

Know your deal breakers. I went on a date recently. Whit..." Sometimes it's easy to get to picky. And, on the contrary, sometimes, when we're frustrated, it's easy to settle too much. I think every Christian boy was once told to make a list of every thing he wants in his partner in middle school and pray over it. That's a great idea and I know some people who were so fortunate to have those lists fulfilled. But, my word, if I wanted the things I wanted at 13 now, I would be concerned. Throw away your 1000-word lists. But know your deal breakers. For me, there are certain things I must have, would love to have, would like to have and would like to avoid.

Enjoy it. We will never get this time back. I'd enjoy it a lot more if I knew I was going to meet with husband on an exact day (and I'd make sure to do my hair really well that day). But we don't. And all we can do is find joy in each day and trust that there is a bigger plan. So just focus on being the best you and loving the life you have. And remember, something beautiful is on the horizon.

When you are happy with yourself you open yourself up to love

I MOVED ON

 Before anything else I have my new Blog site name http://davemercado.webs.com Please have time to read some of it, thanks thanks!

OK! Here is the FAQ

I get a lot of people asking me for advice. To these people I say: Are you kidding me? Did you read my blog? I hopped my ex’s fence, so I am the last person you probably want to ask for advice. However, since the demand has been so high and I’d like to think I’ve matured a bit since my fence-hopping days, I will give it a go. This is in response to the many questions you lovely readers send me. Hope it helps!

Don’t waste your time on people who don’t treat you well.  That seems obvious right? Well I’m pretty sure that I am surrounded by masochists because I get a lot of mail along the lines of “He cheated. How do I get him back?” and “I love him, but he broke up with me and now he’s dating my cousin,” etc. Breaking up hurts, but being with someone who treats you like shit hurts way more in the long run, so nurse your breakup hangover with a pint of ice cream or a few vodka sodas (for my over 21 fans) and be reassured that he or she will probably die miserable and alone someday.
Listen, listen, listen. Yeah, I know. Of course we heard him when he said he didn’t want a boyfriend, but like, we don’t want to be in a relationship either. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made this mistake. I see a cute guy I like and I go deaf. I ignore all the signs that this is not a good fit and go barreling blindly ahead.  If this is too vague for you, I’ve compiled a list of signs that this person will not be a good girlfriend/boyfriend from various friends’ and my many experiences with “not listening:”

• Tells you he (or she) is moving back to his country in a month and just wants to have a good time
• Is wearing a wedding ring, but is currently in the middle of a divorce
• Does not bathe, or have a job, or do anything productive really
• Has a car seat in the backseat but makes no mention of having a child
• Still lives with his ex, but only because “finding an apartment in this city is hard”
• Is “poly amorous” (look that one up kiddies… it’s not cheating if it’s an open relationship)

Which brings me to my next point…
Be honest with yourself about what you want. Don’t change to fit his or her wants and needs.  So be realistic and stay true to yourself.  You may feel like you’re losing out on something in that moment, but really you’re just opening yourself up to meeting someone who actually wants and likes the same things as you.
Focus on YOU.  According to me, every person I ever dated has an amazing relationship with someone else now. I am the only single person on this planet and I know a loneliness that no one except the most pathetic ogre could possibly understand. It’s easy to become jealous after a breakup. People move on and your ex will date other people. But so will you even if he gets there first.  And just try to be satisfied with the fact that deep down he will never find anyone better than you and you’re way hotter than his new girlfriend anyways. It works for me. Just kidding (sort of.)
Am I over him? A few weeks ago, a coworker of mine was telling me about the guy who broke his heart and nodding, I said, “Yeah mine was named—” Total blankness. I literally could not recall the name of the boy who made me crazy nearly every day for almost one year. Of course, I forget what I’m watching on tv while the commercials are on and his name came to me a few seconds later, but I realized something.
The past few months had been so busy, I barely had time to think, let alone obsess.  I only got over him when I stopped worrying so much about whether I would ever get over him.  Of course after my conversation at work that night, I went home and Google the shit out of him so… Yes and no?
As for all the other specific questions you guys asked, I will try to answer some of them in this list of Do’s and Don'ts.

• Don’t get back together with him if he was a shithead the first time. This will likely not change.
• Don’t date your best friend’s ex without her permission no matter how much you love him because that’s asshole behavior and no one likes an asshole.
• Do blog. I love hearing other people tell me about their blogs. Writing is super cathartic!
• Don’t worry about friends who choose him over you. They clearly weren’t good friends in the first place.
• Don’t worry if you act a bit crazy in the midst of a breakup. We all have our moments. Just don’t get yourself arrested… it sucks.
• Don’t wait for him if he begins dating someone new, but you know they aren’t meant to be. Life is not a Nicholas Sparks novel.
• Do let yourself fall in love again. Even with all the shit parts, I still think it’s worth it.

There you go. That’s all I’ve got.