MY BROKEN HEART

Getting your heart broken sucks. No girl (or guy) should ever have to have their heart broken. But it's a part of life. It may not feel like it, but things will be okay. I know it hurts now but it does get better. Keep your head up. Stay strong. Be positive and don't let anybody bring you down. Remember, there is someone out there for you.

Sticking around by your side whenever you need me. Disappear from your sight whenever I'm not needed. Not being some1 special even though i tried hard. but it's okay. :) love is not something you give out and expect to receive something else back. i well known myself is not prepare for you. i'd got no aim in life, don't have a good job, well. not rich, and spirit all broken down like a piece of shit at home only. failed my abroad application, which suppose to be my last light to life. hmm... feel i couldn't accomplished anything in life. i feel so useless. :'( and i couldn't do a shit to help it.

It's hard to love someone without getting loved back the same way. hmm.. like i said. It's hard. dunno how long my weak heart can stay this. Every time is just hot and cold. How to love you fully when you don't even open up your heart and let love in?I care for you, but you always say that you're fine you don't want me to care for you  anymore. Still, you're the one i think of before going to bed, my heart is feeling uncomfortable and insomnia every time until i know you're home safe. Couldn't deny there's a part in me that's very protective. Always say you can take care yourself, always meeting out with stranger, but didn't you know that there's a lot of bad guy that will take advantage of you just like that? they can make you drunk, or they can even put drug inside your cup and make u knock off?

Though, knowing that you're not that kind of guy that will stick around by my side, yet i still been trying hard and not giving up until i manage to get your heart. And it was a long run.. and it kills me day by day knowing that you're not home, outside drinking with some else random guy. Jealousy does kill when you care so much about that person. Really make me feel like giving up, slowly you're straying away. and so do i. I don't know whats real or whats fake anymore. So, i decided to stop this foolishness of me. No point strangling myself knowing that I ain't the one that gonna make you smile everyday, having those flirt talk and make you give a damn.  Days gone by, and this shows that We're just another passer-by in each other life. :'( P/S I really do love you all these while. But letting you go is best for the both of us.

IM SCARED OF NOT BEING YOU

Lahat naman siguro tayo natatakot na mawala satin ang ating mga minamahal. Yung isang oras lang na hindi siya magreply sayo alalang alala ka na, Yung isang araw na lumipas na hindi kayo nagkatext hindi ka na mapakali. Yung natatakot ka na sabihin niyang. Sorry ayoko na hindi na kita mahal, Ang sakit isipin diba na walang kahit ano sa mundong ito ang permanente. Maaring magtagal kayo. Pero ang dapat mong itanim sa isip mo, Lahat may hangganan, Lahat may katapusan.

I AM TAKEN BY SOMEONE I CAN'T CALL AS MY OWN

4 weeks ago, I got addicted to FB (again?). I'm literally clicking almost every application and link that the site offers. From it's homepage, careers, developers down to its terms and condition not to mention account settings.

I also had time to visit all of my friends profile to check what's new in their life until I saw Cosplay's page. Her page was like the usual, with wall posts, pictures, information and friend list. It was ordinary, except for one, the pictures below her name were replaced by a "Profile Banner". A banner that says,

"DON'T PLAY WITH ME COZ I KNOW I PLAY BETTER THAN YOU"

Out of curiosity, I clicked the link to check the site. As expected, the website has a lot of categories to choose from such as TV, Designs, Statements, Movies etc. I was browsing and browsing until suddenly, one of the banners really caught my attention. The banner profile says,

"I'M SINGLE BUT MY HEART IS TAKEN BY SOMEONE I CAN'T CALL AS MY OWN"

"Ouch!" It pinched my heart and I don't know why. I relaxed for a while then I realized that I'm thinking of a specific person, his name is LIENKRAM.

LIENKRM is a 20 year old Therapist here in Laguna. Btw, he's turning 21 this December (Advance hehehe). I met him on the so called "Forbidden Site" right after my relationship with Darthvaider. He's good looking, 5'8", with fair complexion. Oh, did I mention he looks like a Korean Popstar ^^

At first, I wasn't paying too much attention on him because like the usual, the conversation might lead to same thing again -- SEX which I mention on my previous blog as "not my priority".

Understanding zodiac is a big deal for me. With this, people learned how to appreciate other people by understanding their positive and negative character and behavior. People will know how to adjust with others because they became more aware and knowledgeable with other people's personality. The Zodiac binds us together.

Anyway, with Lienkram, I'm not really into him (That's what I thought) Why? Because he is so self-centered. They want attention but they don't know how to give it. They are the usual kind of guys who will just text you if they want want to. When you send them text message, expect a reply from them in a couple of hours or worse after a day or 2. And the irritating part is, when they finally text you, they will just say "hi" or "hello" as if nothing happened. They don't know how to apologize.

I got tired of his behavior. I got tired to a point where I allowed my self to be involved with another guy... His name is LIAM. Liam is sweet, he always check my situation  from morning to evening.. But hes too far from me. So we just remained as friends.. Just friends..

Surprisingly, I receive a text message from anonymous..Then I received another text asking, "Goodmorning ?" I didn't replied again, " then the anonymous person text again but this it was a group message, ""ah sya pala yun si Lienkram?"

Dinelete ko na nga pala number nya. We even talk over the phone, minsan lang sya magparamdam na mostly pag may kailangan lang but I know something was weird. It's not the same Lienkram I know. "Bakit ko naman hindi buburahin eh hindi naman nag rereply? Pag nag text ako sa kanya, ilang oras bago magreply. Minsan nga ilang araw pa nga. anong point para i save ko pa number nya? Alam mo yun. Naiinis ako pag di sya nag rereply at hindi nya sinasabi kung san sya at syan sya nagpupunta. Tapos pag nag reply pa sya wala man lang kinalaman sa huling text ko. Ayoko ng ganon" I said it in an irritating tone. I was expecting an argument with him but mas pinili ko na labg manahimik..like i always did evertime.

I felt something different and I tried to deny the feeling but I can't. I'm not sure if its still love..i dont know. i wanna cry but naiisip ko sayang... deserving ba sya sa pag iyak ko?.....

We always tried to be together kahit sa isang lugar lang na magkasama kami, yung kaming dalawa lang. he always makes promise but palagi na lang. Hindi natutuloy, lagi na lang he won't make it on our agreed date. He sent a text, "Mako, diresto na ako sa amin pagod na ako. Bukas na lang". Then i replied "palage naman" The he replied "Drama na naman" A bit irritated I think, "Bakit ba ganun sya?" I was expecting an annoying response but his next message stupefied me, "Mako I love You.Sorry :-( making it light sa situation lang. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko? ang dami ko karibal sa time nya, yung partime work nya, yung mga katext nya, kachat nya, client nya, kaibigan nya pati pamilya nya. Wala na syang natitirang time para s akin. kapag nasa office sya, mas may time pa syang sa ibang bagay kaysa sa akin.... Naisip ko nag eexist pa ba ako sa harap nya...

That was really sad. It's sad because I'm holding on to something na walang kasiguraduhan.

So here I am, i feel like I'm Single, my heart is taken by someone I can't call as my own..

I'M NOT ALONE

Do you know how it feels like when everyone despises you? When, everyone wants you dead? What if you find out your own father would like to kill you? Or the only person who you thought cared for you the most attempted to assassinate you? Can you live with that kind of life?

I bet YOU CANNOT but I know someone who definitely can. His name is GAARA, my favorite anime/manga character.

Gaara is a fictional character in the Naruto manga and anime series created by Masashi Kishimoto. He was born under the Sand Village and is the son of Sunagakure's leader, the fourth Kazekage (highest title on each nation)

Initially, his father attempted to turn him into a human weapon by placing a tailed beast into him -- the SHUKAKU. With the power of shukaku, he was able to manipulate the sands. He was personally trained by his father to have full control of one-tailed beast but still everyone in their village see him as a monster. For them, he's more of a threat than a weapon.

Gaara became so furious with the villagers to the point where he used the power of Shukaku to get rid of them. These attacks on the villagers convinced the Fourth Kazekage that he was a failed experiment. Thus, a direct order from his own father was made to kill him however all attempts failed because the beast would always protect him and kill the assassins.

What changed his character the most was the event when his uncle, the only person who he thought cared for him tried to assassinate him. With this incident, Gaara told himself that he can't trust no one but himself and the Shukaku. He wanted to kill everyone to prove his existence!

Then, time comes when Gaara was able to meet Uzumaki Naruto, a young boy from the Leaf Village of Konoha. Like him, this boy was also a container of a beast called the Kyubi. As expected, people from his village were so afraid of him thinking that any moment, they will be killed. They are not safe with him.

Surprisingly, not all people see him as a threat. This young Naruto was able to gain friends and family who he can really call his own. When their paths crossed, Gaara forced Naruto to fight him by hurting people he loves just to prove one thing. He wants to determine which of their philosophy is correct: his belief for fighting for himself or Naruto's belief of fighting for his friends and allies?

Naruto defeated Gaara and as a result, he lives with the former's philosophy. As much as he can, he apologized to all people he hurts and improved his relationship with his family. The new Gaara protects the people he loves and in doing so, he knew that he will be able to find true strength.

The story of Gaara is a story of most of us and I am one of them. We are so afraid to build relationship with others thinking they abhor us. So what we do, we build a huge wall to protect ourselves from other people's judgmental opinions. We choose to close our doors instead of reach their hands to understand us/them better. We create this barrier to get rid of those significant and insignificant people who tried to pull us down until we meet our NARUTO.

Naruto in today's world are those people who influenced us to be a better person every single day, every single time. They are those people who made us understand the importance of families and friends. They changed our philosophy and made us realized that we are not alone in this world. They helped us to appreciate everyone around us until such time that we're able to find our true character, our stronger form, a much better us.

If you will ask me who's my Naruto, this allotted space won't suffice to put all their names but let me just put it in its simplest form: My bestfriend, best half, family, significant others, friends and of course you, my dear readers.

So I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you guys/gals for giving me the privilege to meet someone like you. Someone who's not afraid to correct my mistakes and someone who never failed to give invaluable advises just to bring out the best in me.

Though at times (or should I say most of the time) you thought I'm just ignoring you or I'm only hearing you, I need you to please extend your patience with me. Please don't get me wrong. The truth is I'm actually listening and reflecting every word that you said.

It's just that what you're actually seeing is not the real me -- it's my ego and my impulsive behavior but please allow me tell you this... deep inside my heart, I really really appreciate you.

I am Gaara and YOU guys are my NARUTOs.

HE CHEATED ON ME

It all happened so fast.

Actually, while, writing this entry, I'm still digesting every last detail of it.

For the first time in my life, I was speechless. My emotion was very unsteady and I did not know how to react.

What happened?

Simple: I just found out that my recent "ex" who broke up with me because he can no longer see/feel the so called "spark" was actually having sexual affair with someone else prior our break up. I just remember that long letter he sent me on facebook message where he indicated that for some reason, something's changed only to find out in the end that he can just summarized that BS into four words: "HE CHEATED ON ME".

Yes, again, I was victimized by INFIDELITY/THIRD PARTY

Why is it that people can't stick to only one mate? Why are they in a relationship in the first place? and Is it really hard for them to be honest to their partner specially during break-up? Do they think that it's hard to admit their mistake? or Are they even aware that it was a mistake?

DON'T EVER LIE AGAIN. JUST BE HONEST. EVERYONE DESERVES THAT.

P.S.

If you really can't be honest with others, then at least be honest with yourself ^^