I AM TAKEN BY SOMEONE I CAN'T CALL AS MY OWN

4 weeks ago, I got addicted to FB (again?). I'm literally clicking almost every application and link that the site offers. From it's homepage, careers, developers down to its terms and condition not to mention account settings.

I also had time to visit all of my friends profile to check what's new in their life until I saw Cosplay's page. Her page was like the usual, with wall posts, pictures, information and friend list. It was ordinary, except for one, the pictures below her name were replaced by a "Profile Banner". A banner that says,

"DON'T PLAY WITH ME COZ I KNOW I PLAY BETTER THAN YOU"

Out of curiosity, I clicked the link to check the site. As expected, the website has a lot of categories to choose from such as TV, Designs, Statements, Movies etc. I was browsing and browsing until suddenly, one of the banners really caught my attention. The banner profile says,

"I'M SINGLE BUT MY HEART IS TAKEN BY SOMEONE I CAN'T CALL AS MY OWN"

"Ouch!" It pinched my heart and I don't know why. I relaxed for a while then I realized that I'm thinking of a specific person, his name is LIENKRAM.

LIENKRM is a 20 year old Therapist here in Laguna. Btw, he's turning 21 this December (Advance hehehe). I met him on the so called "Forbidden Site" right after my relationship with Darthvaider. He's good looking, 5'8", with fair complexion. Oh, did I mention he looks like a Korean Popstar ^^

At first, I wasn't paying too much attention on him because like the usual, the conversation might lead to same thing again -- SEX which I mention on my previous blog as "not my priority".

Understanding zodiac is a big deal for me. With this, people learned how to appreciate other people by understanding their positive and negative character and behavior. People will know how to adjust with others because they became more aware and knowledgeable with other people's personality. The Zodiac binds us together.

Anyway, with Lienkram, I'm not really into him (That's what I thought) Why? Because he is so self-centered. They want attention but they don't know how to give it. They are the usual kind of guys who will just text you if they want want to. When you send them text message, expect a reply from them in a couple of hours or worse after a day or 2. And the irritating part is, when they finally text you, they will just say "hi" or "hello" as if nothing happened. They don't know how to apologize.

I got tired of his behavior. I got tired to a point where I allowed my self to be involved with another guy... His name is LIAM. Liam is sweet, he always check my situation  from morning to evening.. But hes too far from me. So we just remained as friends.. Just friends..

Surprisingly, I receive a text message from anonymous..Then I received another text asking, "Goodmorning ?" I didn't replied again, " then the anonymous person text again but this it was a group message, ""ah sya pala yun si Lienkram?"

Dinelete ko na nga pala number nya. We even talk over the phone, minsan lang sya magparamdam na mostly pag may kailangan lang but I know something was weird. It's not the same Lienkram I know. "Bakit ko naman hindi buburahin eh hindi naman nag rereply? Pag nag text ako sa kanya, ilang oras bago magreply. Minsan nga ilang araw pa nga. anong point para i save ko pa number nya? Alam mo yun. Naiinis ako pag di sya nag rereply at hindi nya sinasabi kung san sya at syan sya nagpupunta. Tapos pag nag reply pa sya wala man lang kinalaman sa huling text ko. Ayoko ng ganon" I said it in an irritating tone. I was expecting an argument with him but mas pinili ko na labg manahimik..like i always did evertime.

I felt something different and I tried to deny the feeling but I can't. I'm not sure if its still love..i dont know. i wanna cry but naiisip ko sayang... deserving ba sya sa pag iyak ko?.....

We always tried to be together kahit sa isang lugar lang na magkasama kami, yung kaming dalawa lang. he always makes promise but palagi na lang. Hindi natutuloy, lagi na lang he won't make it on our agreed date. He sent a text, "Mako, diresto na ako sa amin pagod na ako. Bukas na lang". Then i replied "palage naman" The he replied "Drama na naman" A bit irritated I think, "Bakit ba ganun sya?" I was expecting an annoying response but his next message stupefied me, "Mako I love You.Sorry :-( making it light sa situation lang. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko? ang dami ko karibal sa time nya, yung partime work nya, yung mga katext nya, kachat nya, client nya, kaibigan nya pati pamilya nya. Wala na syang natitirang time para s akin. kapag nasa office sya, mas may time pa syang sa ibang bagay kaysa sa akin.... Naisip ko nag eexist pa ba ako sa harap nya...

That was really sad. It's sad because I'm holding on to something na walang kasiguraduhan.

So here I am, i feel like I'm Single, my heart is taken by someone I can't call as my own..